i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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