She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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