I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
