You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
