instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
