I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
