My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize