My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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