Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We're too hungover to prance.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
