It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
