well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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