You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
