Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she smelled like a LAN party
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
These tits shall not be calmed
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