He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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