What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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