i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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