Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
