I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
