drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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