I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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