singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
