you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
