That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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