I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
two words: eviction party
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
