I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
