dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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