my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Plan B is the new Plan A
another moral hangover. fuck.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
