he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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