mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
