did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
