just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
