I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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