omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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