saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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