I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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