I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
