she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
