so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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