I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so much tequila, so little girl.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize