I just saw a hot homeless man
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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