9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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