Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
