dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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