Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
