I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize