I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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