I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
