so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize