Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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