I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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