And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
