Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
two words...techno handjob
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
