Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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