Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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