I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize