party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
