Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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