ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
