I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i will never coherently bang her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
