one might say we're banned from that church
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize