So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
