I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
