Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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