I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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