My sheets look like a crime scene.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
