she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
