WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
