How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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