I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
