im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We're too hungover to prance.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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