He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
