The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
