They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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