apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
