Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
